Use and throw away: He might just be using you for short term pleasure
Have you thought about what it means to be the other woman in a man's life? Simi Kuriakose asks the experts to help you out
There is always that one woman you can't help but notice. It's that demi-goddess we're talking about, who paves her way into the heart of that hot married man you cannot resist.While the reason why you are so irked by her could just be jealousy, you prefer guising that jealousy under the garb of the 'Other Woman to that man' being the home-wrecker. We do not blame you for pointing your finger on her. It's all thanks to the society's stereotypical thought.
There is no harm in being attracted to a married man. Then again, if you are contemplating being the other woman in his life, maybe these pointers can help you sort yourself:
1. Examine what you need out of life . For any person (especially women), commitment and security in a relationship is extremely necessary. Are you ok with the short-term pleasure you receive? Why are you not willing to settle for something better?
2. Examine the goals of your relationship with that man . Psychologist Varkha Chulani says that you should question yourself about things like why is it that you are compromising and willing to be the second fiddle to a married man's wife. Are you so die-hard of love and attention? At times, you just might be high on confidence and self-esteem, with a million men wanting to be with you, but you still lay your hands on that married man. Is it just a way to show that you are the ultimate seductress who can woo any man regardless of his relationship status?
3. Put yourself in the wife's shoes . Think once, will it be ok for you to see your husband having an extra marital affair? You might just be able to figure how heart-wrecking such a situation can be. It is important for you to remember that everything he told you about why he is in a relationship with you, might just not be true. You might be missing out his wife's stand.
4. Weigh the consequences . Dr Chulani suggests you try the hedonic calculus method, i. e. gauging the short term and long term consequences. You do not want to realise five years later that you should not have wasted the prime of your youth on him instead of looking for other, better options. It is important to ask the man you love whether he is willing to stand up for you. See if he is man enough to protect you when you are being judged by others. Does he ever stand up for you and take the onus of being linked with you? If the answer to all these questions are no, he's treating you as that snack you would like to munch on once in a while but never have for a daily meal.
5. Be ready to be tagged as the home-breaker : Think of how people will be wary of you, keeping their husbands away from you. Dr Chulani says that the man will never share the blame with you. However, you will be held responsible for being the woman who breaks his house, despite whether you entered in the relationship while he already had a bad marriage or not. Dr Chhabria says it's important that you are secure in your head that you never intended to break his marriage.
6. Men tend to get a little over-posessive about their women, be it their wife or their girlfriend. They want the best of both worlds. Bear the difficulties that may ensue if at all you leave the relationship. Remind yourself that you knew he was married and you had to make compromises. You just might be heart-broken without him, but trust us it will be worth it.
7. Look for someone who would give you first preference. If you are the one who is ready to pull out a tissue from your purse on the death of an ant, then probably it is best for you to move on and find a companion for yourself, who will give you what you want. Like Dr. Chhabria says, if you're looking for a stable relationship, this is not the one. Being in a relationship with a married man is like walking into a furniture store and asking for clothes
There is always that one woman you can't help but notice. It's that demi-goddess we're talking about, who paves her way into the heart of that hot married man you cannot resist.While the reason why you are so irked by her could just be jealousy, you prefer guising that jealousy under the garb of the 'Other Woman to that man' being the home-wrecker. We do not blame you for pointing your finger on her. It's all thanks to the society's stereotypical thought.
There is no harm in being attracted to a married man. Then again, if you are contemplating being the other woman in his life, maybe these pointers can help you sort yourself:
1. Examine what you need out of life . For any person (especially women), commitment and security in a relationship is extremely necessary. Are you ok with the short-term pleasure you receive? Why are you not willing to settle for something better?
2. Examine the goals of your relationship with that man . Psychologist Varkha Chulani says that you should question yourself about things like why is it that you are compromising and willing to be the second fiddle to a married man's wife. Are you so die-hard of love and attention? At times, you just might be high on confidence and self-esteem, with a million men wanting to be with you, but you still lay your hands on that married man. Is it just a way to show that you are the ultimate seductress who can woo any man regardless of his relationship status?
3. Put yourself in the wife's shoes . Think once, will it be ok for you to see your husband having an extra marital affair? You might just be able to figure how heart-wrecking such a situation can be. It is important for you to remember that everything he told you about why he is in a relationship with you, might just not be true. You might be missing out his wife's stand.
4. Weigh the consequences . Dr Chulani suggests you try the hedonic calculus method, i. e. gauging the short term and long term consequences. You do not want to realise five years later that you should not have wasted the prime of your youth on him instead of looking for other, better options. It is important to ask the man you love whether he is willing to stand up for you. See if he is man enough to protect you when you are being judged by others. Does he ever stand up for you and take the onus of being linked with you? If the answer to all these questions are no, he's treating you as that snack you would like to munch on once in a while but never have for a daily meal.
5. Be ready to be tagged as the home-breaker : Think of how people will be wary of you, keeping their husbands away from you. Dr Chulani says that the man will never share the blame with you. However, you will be held responsible for being the woman who breaks his house, despite whether you entered in the relationship while he already had a bad marriage or not. Dr Chhabria says it's important that you are secure in your head that you never intended to break his marriage.
6. Men tend to get a little over-posessive about their women, be it their wife or their girlfriend. They want the best of both worlds. Bear the difficulties that may ensue if at all you leave the relationship. Remind yourself that you knew he was married and you had to make compromises. You just might be heart-broken without him, but trust us it will be worth it.
7. Look for someone who would give you first preference. If you are the one who is ready to pull out a tissue from your purse on the death of an ant, then probably it is best for you to move on and find a companion for yourself, who will give you what you want. Like Dr. Chhabria says, if you're looking for a stable relationship, this is not the one. Being in a relationship with a married man is like walking into a furniture store and asking for clothes
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